note to self:

People change; sometimes good and other times not so good. Maybe sometimes its a lateral change, not good or bad just different.

Sometimes change fills me with joy and sometimes with sadness. Every time it fills me with uncertainty. When I'm feeling unsure or frustrated or sad about all the changing people, I have to remember

life goes on.

Each coming night brings with it a new sunrise with new opportunities and new life.

Maybe I'm the one thats changing. Maybe I've just outgrown the old and stepped into the new.

the list

So something I've been struggling with lately is not having a special someone. Its really weird and hard for me, and in the end its all about not trusting in God's security. Its something thats made me really impatient.

"You're not ready to date until you're ready to be single."

Learning and living--thats what these years are all about! I have so much I want to do and ways I want to see God move in and through me. Surely I can't do it all while I'm tied down.

I have to constantly remind myself of Jacob and Rachel in Genesis 29. I have to remember that my worth is in God because all He sees in me is Jesus. He looks at me and sees His beautiful bride. He is the lover of my soul and my most intimate friend. That is still so awesome to me.

Another thing I did last February was make a "husband list" of things I want in my lifelong partner. I keep it in my jewelry box so I can always look at it and remind myself not to settle for less than God's best. Its a nice little "top ten most important things," anything from likes to sing, to nature lover, to always loving God more than he will love me. I'm waiting for that person who won't ever be perfect, but will be the perfect man for me.

Its something I'm going to have to battle with often. Goal: seek after the love of God more than I seek after the love of any man.

hurt hurt and more hurt

So I just really can't sleep right now. And its all because of that kid.

There would be nothing I'd love to see more than to see you run back to Jesus. Somewhere along the way, someone hurt you and you grew cold to the idea of God and church and community. I get that. Humans make mistakes. We hurt and get hurt. We can never be Jesus. What you didn't realize is that you had so many people on your side, so many people rooting for you and backing you up and taking care of you and loving you. But you disappeared for a while. A few of us tried to keep up with you. We texted you often and thought of you even more so. So when you never came around, people gave up.

Those people would argue that they didn't necessarily "give up" on you, but lets face it. When you stop trying and think theres nothing you can do, that its a lost cause--thats flat out quitting.

For some reason, you hold a special spot in my heart. Believe me when I say I love you so so much. I really genuinely miss seeing you and having you in my life. I want to see you at those pearly gates. I want to see you winning souls for the Kingdom. I want you to see that there is more to life than what you've made of it. There is a girl who loves you and a God who is so so jealous for you. You're breaking both of our hearts, kid. You've got a prayer warrior behind you, and we are your number one fans.

i love college

What a whirlwind. Stressful, busy, overwhelming, but I'm loving every second.

The first few days were summer camp. It was not fun. I very much dislike when my time is managed for me, so I'll be super excited once I get in a routine and classes begin and its all second nature. I've been going to a ton of FCA stuff, meeting all kinds of incredible people, connecting and whatnot. Everyone here is genuinely kind and friendly. Also I love Maddie and Taylor's RA Spencer (who is a girl, kind of confusing). She is such an amazing person and she's already taught me so much. Confession: I really want her to be my small group leader. I can't wait to get to know her better. I met two girls from Charlotte, Allie and Mariah, who go to Elevation church and love Steven Furtick and Sun Stand Still as much as I do. I'm so excited to get plugged in with people who love Jesus. This school is definitely where I'm supposed to be, and I'm blooming where I'm planted. I'm ready to take on the world and save some souls this year.

in-betweenies

College is so close, I'm nervous yet excited; scared yet hopeful. If I have to sum up my mantra for the next four years, I'll choose this:

"So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times! Don't live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants." Ephesians 5:15-17

You better believe this is going to be posted in the dorm room. God's been teaching me a lot about how weak I really truly am. He's shown me how even when I think I get a little off track, I'm running off the road at 100 MPH. Its going to be hard when I'm surrounded by all sorts of things, when all my time is able to be occupied by all kinds of other activities, to make the time to spend with God. But I'm going to work at it one day at a time. Through this whole journey, I want to seek His paths out, follow and obey, and bloom where I'm planted. Whether thats at Clemson or somewhere else down the road, I'm willing to go great lengths for the Kingdom because its here and nothings going to stop it.

selflessness

So God kind of hit me in a pretty big way over the last week or so.

Long story short, I've been obsessing over two things: 1.) myself and 2.) boys. Neither of which I'm proud of. I knew it was bad when I recognized the issue and didn't really want to change it. I can totally tell its been getting in between me and my greatest Love.

Faithsteps tonight kind of brought that idea of a self-serving vs. servant's mindset full circle, along with some of my own devotion time (one of my few for a while. again, not proud). Tonight Ken brought some awesome insight about the church and fellowship as believers. The early church was so wholly devoted, they would sell all of their belongings just so that they could meet the needs of others. They were immersed in the Word. They were saturated with humble and selfless love. They fellowshipped, followed, and filled themselves with the Spirit. But get this:

"People liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were saved." Acts 2:47

When we love the way we were designed and build our relationships with Jesus at the center, people notice. Souls are eternally saved by it through God's divine intervention.

Also Philippians chapter 2 in my study Bible was appropriately titled "Joy in Serving" which I definitely needed, all about following God's directions and putting others first. Pretty rad how He pieces things together right before my eyes. I love that. And Him.

courage

So blogging this summer has proved to be more difficult than it first seemed, I have like zero time to do it nowadays. I've been loving work lately, I have good and bad days (and by that I mean good and bad kids) but they're all so wonderful and its truly the most rewarding experience. I have a few favorites now, one of whom is George. He's smaller than all the other kids and likes to dance around during lunch. He is also fond of holding my hand and playing monkey-see monkey-do. Clearly he's the most adorable 5 year old ever. My co-counselors are just as amazing, I worked with Tysheem last week and he is truly a blessing as a co. Jenna has become a close camp friend, she's hilarious. I've taken up tennis, sort of. By that I mean I hit around a lot and never play by the rules. The fam leaves for Ohio tomorrow morning, and I can't wait to see my grandparents. Grandma Marlynn and I are going on a walk in Blacklick park, I love just talking with her. She is a wealth of wisdom.

Just finished Esther, and its amazing to me how God uses each and every thing we say and do for His glory. Esther is definitely the perfect picture of the woman I hope to be some day. Her boldness and strength is unmatched, and because of her willing spirit God gave her incredible opportunity. I also want the heart of Mordecai, he stayed true to his roots even after the king granted him immeasurable power. His humility remained intact, and he continued to worship his Almighty God. Not to mention the whole story is super action-packed.

july 6th, 2011

I'm finally getting things back in order after a crazy first few weeks of summer. I've picked up on my quiet time some, ran (6 miles, swag), and caught up with some friends. Anna and I went on a day trip to the beach, where we ran into Phil and Corey. She is truly wonderful, and I can't describe in words how blessed I am to have known her this short amount of time. I know shes going to grow in ways I can't even imagine, and shes really going to make an impact on everyone she meets next year. I spent Independence Day with Rach and Julia at the lake, some much needed R&R. Got together with some friends that evening for fun and food, I've missed that. I caught up with Caleb over dinner and a walk through the park. Lets face it, anything that involves enjoying creation after a delicious meal is right up my alley. I have my first actually huddle this week at work, and my co-counselor Will is beyond amazing. He is so gifted in more ways that I could ever dream of. He's definitely helping me figure this whole camp counselor thing out, and providing more than enough support along the way.

So just finished Exodus, and yet again Moses' faith astounds me. When God tells him to go out and do something, he responds with this:

"Moses said, 'If your presence doesn't take the lead, call this trip off right now. How else will it be known that You are with me in this, with me and Your people?'" Ex. 33:15

Seriously. How many times do I actually think about whether or not I am consciously aware of His guiding Spirit? It should be daily that I ask Him to take the reigns. I shouldn't go anywhere without Him in the forefront of my mind. He's always right beside me, but how often do I walk with Him hand in hand?

peace

Ok, its been a while. A lot has happened. A LOT.

Orientation was good. I can only describe it as information overload with a bunch of small talk throughout the weekend. I met some new friends through Anna, my roommate, even a boy on the football team. It will be so much fun to put a face with a number out there on the field. Sessions were boring. It did, however, get me totally jazzed about college and the overwhelming opportunities that lie ahead of me.

I am now "that girl" who dated a boy for a week. So I look like a fool, but at least I know exactly what I want and need. No hard feelings, no doubts, no regrets. I've never felt more sure about something.

There is nothing better than being in the company of old friends. Some things never change, and I found that out at the beach this past week. Its a miracle that I've been friends with Maddie and all of them since elementary school, and we still get together as if we've never been apart. Its going to be a huge blessing to have her by my side these next four years at Clemson. Beach week 2011 was filled with good humor, late nights spent stargazing, and a three story nerf battle after a house-wide viewing of the Bachelorette. Best trip ever.

Still loving that Exodus, and in my reading I've come to the part of the story where God parts the Red Sea for Moses and the Israelites. It looks like all hope is lost. They're trapped between the sea and the soldiers. But then Moses chimes in with some words of encouragement:

"The LORD will fight for you, you need only be still." Ex. 14:14

That is still so awesome to me. Once again, God's got our backs. He's going to stick to His word. And sometimes, the best way out is through, literally. So He parted the sea. CRAZY.

summer job: day one

I have the best job in the entire world. No really. Playing with kids all day with snack breaks and a trip to the pool. Plus paycheck. Totally awesome. Finley Day Camp is the bomb. It took a while to get in the swing of things but once I knew what I was doing, it was smooth sailing. Today I was a "noonie" and although I didn't go in at noon, I did get to sleep in some. I helped with the Lacrosse clinic to fill in for Grady but lets be real, I could offer no support. All in all, it was a fantastic first day at camp.

I started off the morning with Moses and the 10 plagues, and something struck me kind of odd. After each of the plagues, it read:

"But the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart..."

Wait, so each time, the Israelites remained in bondage because God hardened his heart? It seems strange at first glance. But think about it. The first few times, Pharaoh's magicians could do all that Moses and Aaron did. They turned the staff into a snake, the water into blood, and even made frogs appear from dirt. But after that, they were rendered helpless. God was doing things through Moses and Aaron that no one could ever imagine. God hardened Pharaoh's heart to show us His infinite power, so that He would get all the glory. How mind-blowing is that? God does what is ultimately for our good and His fame.

all consuming fire

Its amazing what God speaks when I quiet my soul and open my ears. I love it when He hits me with unexpected revelations.

Being in that strange stepping stone between high school and college, I've encountered some unanticipated challenges. It feels like its some sort of standstill. Not only that, but previous frustrations have set in recently, especially concerning my dad. But get this: Moses got frustrated too. God told him, face to face, that He would deliver His people from Pharaoh's iron hand. All Moses had to do were a few simple tasks. So Moses did what God said. Nothing changed.

"Moses returned to the LORD and said, 'Why, LORD, why have you brought trouble on these people? Is this why you sent me? Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in Your name, he has brought trouble on this people, and You have not rescued them at all.'

Then the LORD said to Moses, 'Now you will see what I will do to Pharaoh: Because of my mighty hand he will let them go; because of my mighty hand he will drive them out of his country.'" Exodus 5:22-6:1

Holy mackerel. Basically, get ready, because we're about to be a part of an amazing move of God. In our weakness, His glory shines brighter, His power more mighty, and His love more radical than anything we could ever imagine. I want to see that each and every day, and experience it all in fresh ways constantly.

welcome back

After a long awaited reunion, Jashley (Jake + Ashley) has returned to normal. I can't explain how happy I am to be with that kid again. Its definitely not the same, but I don't want it to be. There were some things I would've changed. We talked, and the changes will take some work. But this time, I want it to be better. And everyone knows that anything worth it takes a lot of effort.

I'm not going to lie, I'm scared to death. I can't forget to take life and its challenges one day at a time. I'm trusting God is going to direct me step by step through all of this. I have no doubt He'll pull through every time.

Starting Exodus, and Moses' story is extremely encouraging. It reminds me that God remembers us when we feel like he's forgotten me and left me to fend for myself. Its also a huge comfort that God uses screw-ups for big plans, because boy I never seem to get it right. But each sunrise brings God's renewed mercies and grace, and I'm so thankful.

a recent graduate

Its all finally done! Graduation was Friday and I'm still not sad. Maybe thats a bad thing, but I'm taking it as "I'm ready for bigger and better things at Clemson." Now theres 3947539 grad parties to go to. Orientation is in one week and Anna Marie and I are more excited every single day. Mumford is this Wednesday, super pumped.

I finished Genesis this morning, which ends with the deaths of Jacob (Israel) and Joseph. Joseph's attitude towards his brothers really astounds me, and its the kind of attitude I want to have with all people that wrong me. His brothers are freaking out because they think Joseph is angry because of what they had done to him years before, so they tell him that Jacob left a message for him. "Find it in you to forgive your brothers for all that they put you through, they tried to harm you so they will be your slaves." But Joseph has already done that. He had forgiven them for a while now.

"But Joseph said to them, 'Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.'" Genesis 50:19-20

I often don't see that God works out everything for good. I'm praying that God will give me His vision and insight into all of life's curveballs.

It was yesterday at church that God really reinforced this idea to me. Derek was asking us to just be still and listen to what God had to tell us, because we never just get quiet and listen. And all I could hear was "It is well." And it is well indeed, because God is totally looking out for me. I'm loving this peace and comfort.

weakness

Lets face it.

I put up walls only to find the people who care enough to bulldoze through them.

I suck at trusting God, and I suck at putting him first, and I've never been more thankful that He loves me anyways.

romans 8:28

Lately I've been really discouraged. My short-sighted human vision has left me wondering what in the world God is doing. Its been a week of confusion, screw ups, and humility. But in all of this, God gave me comfort in a few things:

1. Once again, the story of Joseph blows my mind. I'm sure he had no idea what was going to become of his life when he was in a pit, on a slave caravan, in prison. Through all of his struggles, he found a way to trust and obey a God he knew little about. Its amazing to think that he followed and believed in God solely through the visions He gave to him, and I can't even trust God when I have a Talking Book and thousands of theological works at my disposal? Pretty humbling. And I'm pretty sure this means God's got my back, even when I don't see the big picture.
2. Back in middle school when I was having issues with girls at school, my mom gave me a little card (that I still have to this day, by the way; and found it today cleaning out a desk drawer). Inside the card read "When things get a little hairy, just remember God promises to work all things together for our good!" along with Romans 8:28. Not only was that encouraging then, it was still encouraging 6 years later. Thanks mom (:
3. Romans 8:28 is one of my favorites as it is. But my favorite is the Message version:

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. (8:26-28)

I just love it when God uses His words to speak to us over and over again in different and new ways each time. He is so creative and loves it when we experience Him with fresh insight.

So there you have it. I keep praying that God will show me what to do and where to go, but all He can say is to trust Him. But in the end, thats all that matters anyways.

nightlife

umm, this was us. yes. great.

Can I just say that Friday night was the most fun I've had in a long long time. Jess and I began the night at the Pita Pit (we won't talk about that). We successfully got lost in downtown Raleigh, but got right back on track. We chilled at Cup-a-Joe and caught up over coffee, then proceeded to our concert. The Morning Of really does a great job entertaining, love crowd participation. We got to hang with Jessica Leplon, that vocal goddess

and, in a combination of sweat and tears, sang our hearts out with every word of every song. Incredible kick-off to an amazing summer.

follow through

These past few days have been absolutely wonderful. Catching up with Meg over a little Panera goodness was much needed. Our small group had some college Q&A last night with TLC, Courtney and Megan's small group. Not to mention I met someone who also understands what an amazing person Chelsea Banister is, love it. Megan made banana cupcakes with avocado frosting, my kind of sweet treat. I took a Bosu Ball class two days ago, and I'm still sore; although I must say, its the best feeling. This morning I attempted my long weekly run, but it was so hot outside I had to cut it short so I didn't pass out. Now drinking some fresh brewed hazelnut coffee in bed, my favorite.

I've been reading through the story of Joseph (one of my all time favorites). Its amazing to see all the junk Joseph's brothers put him through, yet God still blessed him. He made him successful at everything he did. Everything. Even after Potiphar threw him in prison over false accusations, Joseph was put in charge of all the prisoners. When the servant forgot about him and he was left in prison for two more years, He remained faithful. Even though his brothers betrayed him in the worst way, Joseph provided for them in their time of need and loved them when it was hardest. Its so encouraging to know that God incorporates peoples mistakes and that, through our suffering, He is always with us.

"If we are faithless, He remains faithful..." 2 Timothy 2:13

Its so easy to forget that. But when I am gently reminded, its the biggest comfort. I'm so grateful for a God that loves me perfectly and unconditionally.

paradigm shift

Where to start? I'm finally finished with high school! That is, until graduation. But its been four long years, both good and bad. I'm so ready for what God's got planned next. Being out of school means poolside reading, lots of morning runs, trips to the Y (for both work and play), late nights and lazy days. Ben and I are already discussing our first trip out to the quarry. I love summertime.

I just finished Steven Furtick's book Sun Stand Still, and it really changed my way of thinking. Its all about asking God for the impossible and its based around the story of Joshua and how he asked God to make the sun stand still so that the Israelites could defeat their enemies. I'm making it a point to pray audaciously and incessantly for what only God can do, so He's getting all the glory in the end. But Furtick makes a good point in saying that we can't just sit back and wait for a change. We have to do our part and take action.

"Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." James 2:17

Its all pretty humbling. Theres a lot that that has required me to act, and I haven't. This summer will be committed to doing, not just saying. Lets go.

your heart on the line

Days of high school left: two.

I can hardly stand being in this place any longer. Theres no one person or thing that grates on my nerves, I'm just so antsy and ready to move on, now more than ever. I want to meet new people and go to new places. I've never been good with change, but I think this is one I'm ready to make. Give me college.

I have a huge problem with impatience. I should be appreciative of these last moments as a true kid. I should be living in the here and now. I should be looking for opportunities all around me. But simply, I'm not.

Good things come to those who wait.

God's timing is everything, literally. I am so quick to forget. I pray that He would give me the strength to wait it out just a few more months; He surely has great things ahead.

Genesis 29

Lunchtime spent with God and coffee is among my favorite things. But today I had a lot on my mind. I was really asking God for some assurance and affirmation. On my journey through Genesis I stumbled on the story of Jacob and Rachel. Here's the deal:

Jacob moves out to find himself a wife, when he gets to his uncles town. He sees his cousin Rachel and immediately falls to his face, weeping, because he loves her. He promises his uncle that he'll do anything, anything, to have Rachel's hand in marriage. Well the uncle takes advantage of this offer and agrees to give her away if Jacob works the land for seven years.

"So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her." Gen. 29:20

The story goes on that at the end of those seven years, the uncle tricks Jacob into marrying the less desirable sister--Leah. But Jacob will not give up, and works ANOTHER seven years to marry Rachel.

Wait... what?

Fourteen years. Thats how long it took. Now don't get me wrong, I realize I'm probably not going to find that kind of man anytime soon, but it does give me hope. One day I will find a boy who will sacrifice for me, who will be patient in waiting, who will pay the price to have my heart. And thats love.

nothing else will do

"The joy of the LORD is your strength." -Nehemiah 8:10b

For some reason, God gave me this verse this morning. I guess it was a good reminder that only that which I find in Him alone can carry me through each day, survive all of life's curveballs. I definitely needed some encouragement today, more accurately some strength, and little did I know He would give it to me long before I realized its necessity. Praise God for His love overflowing. I'm thankful that He pursues me even when I don't pursue Him.

I've been walking through Genesis for a week or two. I have to say its got to be one of my favorites. I love that from start to finish, you can see how God's worked His perfect plan out for good, even in the details. Better yet, His plans incorporate peoples' mistakes. THANK HEAVENS. It gives me hope for His plan in my own life.

One of my all time favorites is the story of Abraham and Isaac. It actually makes me want to name my son Isaac (fun fact). When God told Abraham and Sarah that they would have a son, Sarah laughed. Not like "oh yay haha!" more like "uh you've got to be kidding haha" but then BAM along comes the baby and Sarah realizes how stupid she was to laugh at God's plans, and he's named Isaac, which means "he laughs". Kind of cool, right? But not only that, God commands Abraham to sacrifice his only son, he was a man of confident yet humble faith. I also love the way the Jesus Storybook Bible describes this scenario. It details Isaac carrying wood on his trip up the mountain, the same wood that would be used to sacrificially kill him. Sounds like someone we know (Jesus cough). Its really awesome to see how all of the Old Testament was laying the groundwork for Christ. Good news: the best is yet to come!

senior prom: round two

I have to say, it was even better than the first.

I got to wake up to my sweet rachel, we had a much needed slumber party. I started the day with a morning run with Tyler, its always a good time to catch up and do what I love most. I had some delicious homemade granola and greek yogurt (My only meal for the day, in fact. Weird.) and cleaned the basement. Rachel and I went and got our nails done with her step-mom. I surely love that girl. I did all the last minute things, picked up the boutonniere, did my hair and makeup, then headed off in the Colburn Benz. I did, however, have to remind Adam to get Rachel her flowers, and so a classy trip to the local Food Lion was in order. We took pictures at Alison's beautiful house, complete with a lake. Then it was my favorite part--dinner at Brio. Finished all of it, no surprise there. After dinner was the actual prom, which I must say was wonderful, they really did up Sanderson to look pretty good. Post-prom hang out sesh was fantastic. Pool, bowl game, movie marathon. Up until 7, not sure if I was too happy about seeing that sunrise, but definitely God's beauty on display as always. All in all, a great way to finish out senior year.

spring break 2011

It was by far the best spring break I've ever had--EVER.

Anna-my bunk buddy and sanity over the course of the trip, Jennifer-my newfound sarcastic friend, and Kersey-the one that I can talk to about anything; these girls made it all worth it. I cannot say how blessed I am by their friendship.

We started the trip off right when, about 20 minutes into the drive, we had already broken out the snacks. Basically the days consisted of a morning run (or half run, half walk if you're Anna, Kersey, or Jen), hitting the beach all day, showering, and a late dinner followed by a night on the town. We got to see a few of our friends, too. James, Michael, Chad, Tanner, Bill, Ray, and Bryson came to see us one day. Matt, Conor, Andrew, and Cameron came to see us another. We dug a tunnel, yeah, nothing big. And to top it all off, none of us got severely burned. Spring break--thats whats up.

This weekend I have my second prom with Caleb, a date night with my sweet Rachel, and lots of studying for the AP Chem exam on Monday. I ran six miles today. Yes, six. I'm not where I want to be yet, but I just ran a 10K. And darn right I think thats on the right track to a half marathon. I just can't wait for summer, spring break you are such a tease.

it is finished

"These words ushered in the end of us as we were, and the beginning of us as we were meant to be!" -Louie Giglio

 This Easter weekend I could not ever express how grateful I am of this incredible gift. We live and die, but Christ died and lived! Its amazing how much He loves each one of us. His grace and love know no depths, we can't exaggerate it. That God would sacrifice His Son, and that Jesus would die such a horrific death just so that we could have the opportunity to be with Them forever is incredible. I am so undeserving in my wicked human state, but in Christ, I'm seen as perfect and whole.

Its an exciting thing, when you think about it. Our God is alive! He isn't some legend or legacy, His work is still among us. For that, I can't help but get energized about things to come. So bring it on, God. Lets see Your immeasurable power and majesty.

sweet disposition

The last few days have been such a blessing.

I spent some quality time with mom and dad the other night, I really do love them. Home alone last night, but Tyler came to the rescue! We made chocolate chip-banana pancakes and watched 500 Days of Summer (again, new favorite movie) and had some quality catch up time. What an awesome friend, how he puts up with listening to me rant I will never understand. ALSO, got the job at the YMCA, thats whats up. I can't wait for an awesome summer--making bank while hanging with kids. Heaven. The Big Macks won senior field day, get at me. Sunburnless, at that. Quite the accomplishment. Track meet tomorrow, which meant practice = t flo, leah, and I sunbathing on the high jump mat. Just like every Wednesday.

God's really blessed me with some good reflection time, pretty distraction free. I had the opportunity to speak at FCA today about how He prepares us for our individual battles, big and small, and how He takes the reigns when we're completely lost. I love sharing His goodness. Its nice to know that you can triumph and overcome because God is right by your side, always. What a comfort to know that He fights for us. I can't thank Him enough for His grace.

"There are no good or bad days, there is only a day of grace. Some days, God gives us grace to embrace what we are going through. Others, God gives us grace to endure what we are going through." -Graham Cooke

beauty

"I came that they may have life, life more abundant." John 10:10

I just have to look outside to get a glimpse of His infinite and unimaginable beauty. Not only does He want us to have life, He wants us to have a full and good life. Oh is it ever visible in His green earth. The sky is His blank canvas, and each day He paints something different and divine. All because He takes delight in us, His favorite of all creation. I don't know about you, but that blows me away. If this is what we see when we look at this sin-filled world, how much more beautiful is He?

500 days of summer

So I just finished this movie, and I can completely relate. Not only do I get compared to Zooey Deschanel (quite the compliment, although I really don't see it) but the story is so real. I highly recommend this movie to any and all human beings with a wounded heart.

Movies like this make me miss having someone special; someone to share life with. I miss having someone who crushes on me and does sweet things for me and thinks I'm kind of cool.

"But if we look forward to something we don't yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently." Romans 8:25

I've been praying for my future husband for a long time, even while I've dated. I can't wait to find that one person who will love me through everything. I've even recently made a "top ten" list of things I want in my future husband. I know God's going to bless me when the time is right. He always knows how to send the right stuff my way at just the moment I need it. So here's to waiting, here's to listening.

closer

I was talking with a good friend last night about life, love, and God when he said something that really struck a chord:

The closer we get to God the more we realize how far away we truly are.

This has never been more accurate in my life. The seasons in my life when I'm really in tune and one with His Spirit, I'm more aware of my wicked human condition. Its the moments when I realize my pride when God can effectively humble me. When I suspect that I'm doing just fine, I'm in the most dangerous place I could possibly be.

"He must become greater, and I must become less." John 3:30

I ought to constantly remind myself that I am not my own, that I am desperate for help from a perfect heavenly Father. Take me to that secret place and into Your loving arms.

senior prom: round one

I could not have asked for a better group of kids to hang with all night. This year was laid back and fun, everything senior year should be. People may have thought it was lame, but maybe I like lame. Maybe I'm just looking for good clean fun. I had a wonderful night with a great date. Of course there was Walker's speech by which the room was thick with tension. Probably the most awkward and unpleasant 20 minutes of my life. Other than that, it was a night to remember.

God was really looking out for me, even in the little things. Just a few months ago I was so concerned with what I was going to do about prom, whether I would actually go or not, who in the world would ask me, all sorts of things. After a few weeks of trying to orchestrate the "prom date" situation myself, I realized that it was silly to worry about, God's got everything under complete control--even a high school prom. Thats when I gave it all over to Him, and BAM, I got two prom dates. God is good, even on prom night.

a fresh start

There is comfort in simplicity. I need to tune the rest of the world out, enjoy this incredible storm, and listen to my Father. I need to quiet my soul and allow Him to speak. I can never be close to someone I never invest in, someone I never love rightly.