For the first 17 years of my life I was a great kid. I loved my parents and made good grades and had friends that liked me and most of all I said I was a Christian who asked Jesus into my heart when I was seven years old.
From seven to seventeen I chose Jesus because the thought of spending eternity burning in hell terrified me. Heaven sounded like a much better place. I wanted the reward but didn't understand that choosing Jesus meant sacrificing me.
When you're seventeen and a boy thinks you're cool and holds your hand you know it must be love. I convinced myself that a boy could be everything I ever needed. He would walk with me and laugh with me and fix my problems and chase my dreams with me; and slowly and slyly (as sin so often moves) he took the place of God on the throne of my heart.
I realized just as slowly my heart was a dark and empty place that was stuck in a constant cycle of breaking and patching and breaking again. My soul was bled dry of the life and joy I wanted to find so desperately. It was then I realized it could never be found in any person. No human being can hold my life in their hands and never once release it. Its impossible.
So I broke up with him and for the first time in my life I cracked open the Word and started at page 1. I can't explain why I thought that would satisfy my heart, but the Holy Spirit was drawing me in and I couldn't get enough.
By August of my Senior year I read the entire Bible cover-to-cover. The words had life and power and it was like God really was telling me things as if He knew all my unasked questions.
It was the summer of 2010 that I fell in love. It was that summer that I experienced His love in a visceral way I've never felt since. I tasted His grace and never would be satisfied with anything less. His grace in the midst of my wickedness makes it all so beautiful and so worth it. I've found a life and a joy I would have never dreamed of before I met Him and I can't wait to be reunited on that wonderful wedding day full of eating and dancing and singing.
Until then, I'm living in the greatest story imaginable. The main character is Jesus Christ and spoiler alert: victory is His.
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