returning home

For months I've been chasing something that I'll never grab hold of, searching for things that won't ever satisfy what I'm really after. To say that I've loved God well lately would be far from true, to say that Christ has been the one true love in my heart is a lie.

There have been seasons in my life that I've craved intimate time with my Jesus, seasons marked by my unashamed obsession with him and his sweet love. I think that deep down I've been craving time with him but numbed myself to that longing.

"There was a man who had two sons. The younger said to his father, 'give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them. The younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living...he had spent everything." Luke 15:11-14

Here I am, completely spent; depleted any joy and strength I found in Him. I've wasted the gifts he gave me and now I'm left empty.

And yet here I sit, humiliated and helplessly searching for Him. I'm coming back to the one whose heart loves mine for all the darkness it contains, for all my shame and sin and selfishness.

"'I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your servants.'

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him...'Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and now is found!'" Luke 15:18-22

I'm sitting at my fathers feet and he kneels to sit with me. He's ready for the intimate time he's been waiting so patiently for. He's ready to sing and dance and romance me and wastes no time saying "I told you so."

That's my God, the one whom my soul loves.