june bug

June goals, fresh hydrangeas, and current reads

The first of June could not be more beautiful. I'm loving the fresh blooms (gorgeous pink and periwinkle hydrangeas from our yard, my favorite) and warm sunshine. With a new month comes new goals. If all goes well, I should read The Hunger Games, So Long Insecurity, and Blue Like Jazz by July. I'm also instituting my morning quiet times again. Its good to get in the habit of starting your day with the love of your life and let Him fill you up. It also helps me to actually do it instead of saying "oh I'll get to that later" because, lets face it, I usually don't. Here's to turning over a few new leaves.

God's been showing me that almost always His plans and my plans don't match up, and that's a good thing. I've had to say "no" to a few things, including my usual job at camp. While I'm still working with my kids at the YMCA this summer, I was hand-picked and presented with the new opportunity and difficult challenge of being a summer-long permanent "noonie" or sub for counselors that have their half day. I won't have one huddle all summer, but it gives me the chance to build relationships and share the love of Christ with all the 1st and 2nd graders as well as my co-counselors and fellow noonies. Even though it wasn't in my plan, it was in His plan. I'm beginning to see how He orchestrates each aspect of my life all for His glory, what a good God we serve.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

I'm praying that He'll give me strength and boldness and opportunities to love the few specific co-counselors He's placed on my heart. Its going to take a lot of faith and trust that He can do all things, even if its opening up the eyes, ears, and hearts of these precious friends. But I'm expecting the LORD to move in big ways this summer, and I'm ready to take the plunge.

just friends

I'm in my favorite local coffee shop, Jubala Village Coffee, and whats better than sipping an iced County Line Cocktail? Sipping a free iced County Line Cocktail. I just broke up with the GAP, two jobs was too much. I'm getting mentally prepared for my trip to Rock Hill tomorrow to see some of my sweetest friends and to Charlotte to see Dave Matthews for the first time. I get to hang out with my girls Megan, Macy, and Hillary all day Thursday before I have to come back to Rals for Y training. I was in a crafty mood last night and after a trip to Michael's and lots of glitter I had created a masterpiece. Ladies and gents--the chevron glitter clipboard.

Before: Clipboard, tape, glitter, Mod Podge

After: Call me an education diva

So 1 Samuel is almost finished, and I'm astounded by a few things. After David kills Goliath (a pretty awesome throw down) and Saul welcomes him into the kingdom, he and Jonathan become great friends. 1 Samuel 18:1 even says that Jonathan "became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself." Jon, despite his father's hatred for him, always spoke well of David to others. Even when Dave was on the run, Jonathan went to him and "helped him find strength in God" (1 Sam. 23:16). That's genuine, honest, encouraging, selfless love between two brothers in Christ. I want that! My prayer is that God would fill me up so I'm overflowing with this kind of love in all my relationships. I want to go deeper with people and know their hearts so that maybe we, too, can be one in spirit. I want my friendships to be so centered around Christ that its all outsiders can see.

moments

new coffee and quiet time spot-a big rust colored armchair with a sunrise view

Life's been grand. I've been able to see almost everyone I missed while I was away at school. Still waiting on that real-talk slumber party, Rach. We have lots of catching up/checking up to do. So far I've already been on a road trip to Lynchburg with Dillon, visited Christin at NCSU with Rachel, worked a few days, and, to kick the summer off right, had a bro-b-q last night with my best friends. Today, being Mother's Day, we celebrated by going out to lunch and being extra nice to mom. She's such a sweet lady, I'm so blessed to have her.

This morning I was reading 1 Samuel 14. Jonathan, Saul's son, sneaked out and tried to fight the Philistines without him knowing. After breaking a silly oath Saul made, Jon was cursed. God doesn't forget when we make promises, by the way. So when Saul went to ask for God's provision and guidance regarding the Philistines, here's what happens.

So Saul asked God, "Shall I go down after the Philistines? Will you give them into Israel's hand?" But God did not answer him that day. Saul therefore said, "Come here, all you who are leaders of the army, and let us find out what sin has been committed today." 1 Samuel 14:37-38

I can't tell you the countless times I ask to hear God's word on something and haven't heard anything. Never do I immediately think its a problem on my end (although it without a doubt always is). Normally, there's something getting in between He and I. Maybe I'm putting something else first, or maybe I haven't taken that next step of faith He's calling me to. This week, I'm praying that He reveals whatever it is that tends to block our line of communication. I want to hear His voice loud and clear above the rest of the chaos in this world.

dear ashley,

Congratulations! You just finished your freshman year in college.

It was a year of firsts. You ran your first 5K and 10K. You got your first tattoo. You changed your major for the first time (and then for the second time). You had your first roommate and your first blind date and went to your first frat party. You went to your first Young Life club and on your first backpacking trip. Some things you wished you never tried, and some things you can't wait to do for the rest of your life.

You met some pretty rad people who changed your life. You took some friendships from home deeper than they've ever gone. You were real with people in a way you'd never been before, keep it up. Don't forget that inside everyone is just as screwed up as you are. Don't forget that its the reason you love people so much.

You had some peaks and valleys this year. Don't forget to look up and praise Him in moments of triumph; don't forget to look behind at all He's brought you through when you can't see your way out of the pit. Remember that you are redeemed, bought at a price, called by name, adopted as His own.

Learn from your mistakes, make the most of every chance you get. You'll blink and it'll be gone before you know it.

So here's to freshman year and to making the next three just as awesome.

satisfy us

This idea of contentment seems impossible particularly the way our American culture works. We always want to get a raise or lose a few pounds, its always on to the next thing. Its something that I've been wrestling with in all areas of my life.

In Numbers 11, the Israelites complain that all they eat is manna. Even when the LORD provided all they needed daily, they wanted something else, something different, or something more.

Ok, flip over to Psalm 90.

So Moses wrote a Psalm. In this Psalm, Moses writes,

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days." Psalm 90:14

How awesome would it be if every day I woke up and the first thing I thought of was God's love? I'm going to go ahead and say I don't think thats ever happened. But thats my prayer! I want to wake up in the morning and sing for joy because of His unfailing love. I want to experience the LORD's joy in new ways each day. I want to expect great things from Him, and then see them happen.

grace

Its been a while, I know. A whole lot has happened in the last few months.

I've learned so much about myself and others and the LORD. One thing thats been a huge part of these last few months has been the idea of His grace.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

For so long I'd been believing the lies Satan was feeding me; that I was the only person who struggled with these things, that I should be ashamed of what I'd done, that there would be no one on this earth who could relate to what I'd dealt with. I thought I'd keep my sin and shame locked up and hidden away forever, until I met Megan.

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man." 1 Corinthians 10:13

She had recently become my small group leader at the time and we had hardly known each other longer than two weeks; but I was on the porch one day and she came and sat with me in a rocking chair. She told me that her small group were all sharing their testimonies each week and that she had the coming Sunday to share her own. So, naturally,  I wanted to hear. It turned out that her story was similar to mine and she told me about a specific sin that she had dealt with. She said that she had found a good friend to confess and confide in and it was the most freeing thing she'd ever felt.

It was like someone punched me in the gut. His Spirit was definitely telling me I needed to tell her what I had been struggling with, but me being an idiot I thought "surely You don't mean that, God." Um yeah, hi, He's always right.

So I held off on that one. The following night I left the dorm for a few minutes and when I returned, Anna had been talking with Key about something personal and kindly kicked me out. I was kind of pissed, so I went marching down to Megan's room. Oh boy, I had to tell her. So somehow it just came out. We both knew it needed to happen and that God had brought us together for a reason. It was like 50 elephants were lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe easy. The best part was, she didn't see me any worse than she did before.

God's grace can only shine through when we allow ourselves to be human enough to admit, out loud, to another person, our short comings and flaws. We often forget that he made us human. He wanted us to be human, to be imperfect. I am so thankful that He did. How much more beautiful is He when standing next to someone as messed up as me? With salvation there is freedom and joy and peace to be exactly who He created us to me, even with all our junk and all our messiness.

note to self:

People change; sometimes good and other times not so good. Maybe sometimes its a lateral change, not good or bad just different.

Sometimes change fills me with joy and sometimes with sadness. Every time it fills me with uncertainty. When I'm feeling unsure or frustrated or sad about all the changing people, I have to remember

life goes on.

Each coming night brings with it a new sunrise with new opportunities and new life.

Maybe I'm the one thats changing. Maybe I've just outgrown the old and stepped into the new.