hindsight is 20/20

I would like to apologize for the lack of blogs, I'm mostly disappointed in myself for not having kept myself accountable the last few months. But in my defense, life has been insane as of late. If there's one thing I've learned this semester its that good time management does not come naturally to me. Young Life, 20 credit hours, and a job is a heck of a lot to do every week; but I'm loving every second of it.

Last weekend was fall break and I was lucky enough to be invited to the BYX formal in Charleston where I spent the first half of break. Sunday I was able to drive to Rals to be home with my family for the first time since August. I needed that desperately. Home is the only place I find true rest. 

Any time spent in Raleigh is wonderful. I love being home and in a familiar place. With familiarity comes reminders of my past. High school was rough for this girl, especially my senior year (I promise I'm not about to throw myself a pity party, just bear with me). My boyfriend of almost a year had left me heartbroken and classmates were cruel. That being said, I ate lunch alone in my car more often than I care to admit. I absolutely dreaded lunch time for that reason.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11

All those days I spent eating lunch alone I would crack open my Bible and dive into scripture or journal or just talk to God. Looking back on that time when I felt like I had no genuine friends, I see now that Jesus was truly my best friend. I mean that in the least cheesy and most spiritually mature way possible. He was the first person I told anything to--doubts, hopes, fears, and dreams. We talked about the big stuff and the little things. It was without a doubt the closest I've ever been to Him. I knew intimacy with Him that I'd never known before and I was head-over-heels in love.

It took me feeling completely alone to find out how sweet and precious He is.

I've been feeling spiritually dry the past few months. If we're being honest and I know we are, theres been a lack of the Spirit in my life. Its been so long since I've heard His voice, I'm stuck in a one-sided conversation in which my side is seriously lacking effort. But I want the closeness with Him I used to know. I want to run to Him first concerning anything.

"Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always." Psalm 105:4

Heres to denying my flesh the privilege of going to any other human being about my experiences before I go to God. Its sure to be a challenge but I know He's far more than worth it.